The Answer to Everything
by kei-v3
Summary: He didn't come back alive, and you didn't weep for him. Almost. /WARNING/ Spoiler for ep 18. Semi AU. Written in 2nd POV, character death. One-sided(?) HaruEru. Edited.


You had stopped Sensei and the others from chasing him, that time. You had assured them that he, just like everyone else, had a reason to fight and a person he would see safe no mater what. You had proceeded with the plan. You had trusted him to go, and to come back later. Alive.

He didn't.

* * *

Just like with Marie, they gathered before his body. The blue outfit was the only clothes he owned, really. His pajama and T-shirts were all borrowed from you. That was the reason why even though they were torn and bloody, he couldn't bide his last farewell in other clothes. No one had time to do anything much, but you... You had cleaned his face. The wounds were all hidden from sight, leaving him merely closing his eyes. You would say it looked as if he was sleeping, but he never let you see him sleep; not even when you two were roommates in those bright, fleeting days of sunshine and laughter. Two things that you never saw him enjoy.

Where did they find another white ribbon? Because you saw one again, on top of his folded arms. It fit him all too well. For a flash moment, you wondered if anyone ever said that he looked as pretty as a girl. Probably not. No one would dare to speak such things to the One-Man Army.

"Now we lost our strategist," you heard one of them said. "Should we stick to the plan?"

"He didn't leave me any manual this time!"

"He's always been like a supervillain that's impossible to defeat... now what should we do about everything?"

"We still have the Valvraves!"

"Yes, one with an arm missing, one with a _pilot _missing, and one with a pilot who's here but won't react to anything we do!"

Then, you could feel eyes turned at you; their eyes. You didn't know how the last argument supposed to stop the voices, but it did. The conversation died. For now.

Maybe they knew you were close to him. Not really as friends, none of you could see him making any friends. Yet you were still the only one who hanged around with him constantly. You were almost inseparable, even, save for moments where the plan required him to go somewhere else but your side. And of course, that last moment where you stopped anyone from chasing him.

If only you didn't do that.

* * *

You barely realized how alone you were in that room. There was no window, only you and the silent treatment from him. It was different from the beginning trip, but that was a given since you were supposedly inside a rocket, going to the Moon. The battle, the war, the whole thing was not over.

As if he would ever let you think it was over.

* * *

"_L-elf, wha- what happened with you?! We need to treat the wounds!_"

He had shrugged over his wounds, as if it was nothing. It wasn't. You should have realized that. "_Focus, Tokishima Haruto. You still need to be the decoy until the rocket preparation is over. I was expecting they would send out H-neun or Q-vier, but we've got... A-drei and X-eins instead. They are dang...erous. We need to move before the tides change... urgh._"

And then somehow you had managed to pull it off, luck had been by your side, in the name of L-elf Karlstein. You had noticed the ragged breath he was sporting since he had gotten inside the cockpit, but you had chosen to obey than question him. You hadn't even asked why none of you saw Rukino-san yet.

You had been overwhelmed by the grief and regret in his eyes.

Emotions. Emotion rarely visited the lavender tint of those eyes. But they had, right then and there, and they were strong. And carelessly shown in abandonment between those eyes, were the sense of hopelessness.

Those weren't about the war, and you knew it.

* * *

It was the space, out of the earth's atmosphere. You sighed in relief because you managed to get out in the last second. You had been focusing on the task, and you turned around. Almost hoping, perhaps, for an approval. Silly of you to wish for something like that.

You had no sense of foretelling that what awaited you was a floating body. You weren't a doctor, but you could see how weak he was, not to even possess a strength to maintain a standing pose. Pushing yourself against the seat, you reached him fast, but it wasn't fast enough. He was having difficulty breathing. Your eyes bleaked at the floating droplets of blood around his abdomen. It was only blood that seeped through the torn fabric. You couldn't begin to fathom how deep the wound must be.

This hadn't felt real for you, but the way he was openly gasping alerted your senses.

"_No... no, hold on there, we'll reach the Moon soon!_"

His pale lips thinned stubbornly, and his eyes creaked open as if it required all the strength he had. Maybe it did. "_..Tokishima... Haruto... I couldn't save... her..._"

"_Her? Who?_" you had asked, but you knew it was the girl in the picture. He knew that you knew.

"_A land where she could be safe... I finally got it in my hands... But she... couldn't go now. Enemy. The enemy... is bigger. The war... almost meaningless. Logical conclusion... I need to..._"

All which came from your voice was, "_Stop talking! You need to rest!_" Then you pushed yourself in the cockpit away from him, back to the pilot seat, intending to speed up.

You couldn't move further.

Your head looked down to see his fingers clutched on the synthetic fabric of your suit. Still accurate even at that kind of time. Like hushing a baby, you immediately pulled yourself back to his side.

Those eyes, more so than those fingers, were pleading.

Pleading you.

You understood what his look meant, but you couldn't bring yourself to affirm his dying wish.

Why? Why hadn't you done that? Saying something to let him go in peace? Saying yes, you would try? Or at least a goodbye.

Why didn't you say anything?

Next thing you knew, the last sliver of light had left his eyes, and he was gone. You were probably vain, but his face looked satisfied then. Satisfied, even though you hadn't said anything to him on his last breaths.

* * *

He had died trusting you would fulfill it.

* * *

But would you?

* * *

In the enclosed room, your eyes somehow regained its focus. You didn't stare into nothing anymore. Perhaps you had come near the moon, because you could feel gravity pulling you. Not pulling you down, though.

You were pulled towards him.

His cravat, the white fabric which clung to his neck, was oddly loose. You figure you needed to fix that, so you moved forward. Your hands were half clutched and half open, and you moved your fingers, only to touch his skin. The coldness surprised you.

He had been so cold in personality, but vaguely you remembered through creaks of memories when you were possessed, that his skin had been warm. Had been that of human. A living human.

Now it was cold.

You stared to the white translucent neck. It couldn't be helped that you wonder how biting his neck could feel; you were only vaguely conscious when you were possessed. That one time you had broken your legs and he had provided you with the way out, you bit his hand. Would his neck felt different?.

...taste different?

Ah, now you had to find another source to feed runes from. He had been providing that for you. Only him. You couldn't remember ever biting anyone else to get the runes. Rukino-san... that wasn't through biting. Something that you really regretted then, blaming yourself for not biting her instead. Now her whereabout was still misterious, and you needed to save her.

Yet you couldn't bring your heart to care.

Your thumb brushed over the edge of his collarbone. An unavoidable question took control of your brain; if you bit him now, would you experience dying? Your brain ignored all the arguments against that idea, including the very nature of the runes. You could only find yourself leaning down, mouth open, ready to bite him. Your eyes were zooming into the nostrils of his eyes.

...Eyes?

"Ha... hahaha..."

Your heartless laugh was meekly echoed by the wall. Your breaths had been reflected back to your face, as if it was him who breathed out. His face was close enough for you to smell just a hint of a human skin. So you had leaned in not for a bite.

But for a kiss.

* * *

"Is this why?"

There was no answer.

You could not bring yourself to think about Shoko. Or your feelings for her. Not even to convince you against your 'logical' conclusion.

You had been angry afterall, for him not to ever let anyone peek inside his heart. Only three times you had had that chance. The first one was not even in his consent; you still remembered the warm tears dripping down your cheeks. His cheeks. Then you found just how _much_ he wanted to pilot Valvrave himself. Then he had run straight to the girl in the picture. Straight _away_ from you.

That also had made you angry. He jinxed the whole mission. But you had supposed it was a payback from your own mistake with Marie then, which he had fixed. He had made it right, so you had figured that it had been your turn to make it right too. Even though you were mad at him.

Jealous, maybe.

You had felt the privilege of being the one who were closer to him than anyone else.

You had forgotten that he had had a life before JIOR.

You had chosen to forget the fact that an old picture was enough to send his body tearing apart.

He was still deadly silent before you. The expression you thought was confidence now turned into smug arrogance.

"Why did you choose to die?" Not in self-abandonment way that you had felt when you thought Shoko was dead. But in a desperate effort to save the girl who wouldn't even accept his hands. If only it were you, you would have reached out to him. You _had_ desired to reach out to him, and to have him reach out to you. But even the simplest thing like the privilege of knowing his name, his real name, you hadn't been given.

This was the answer, thus.

You had loved him.

* * *

You felt your cheeks went warm then. And wet.

* * *

"...I'm... sorry..." Your voice croaked as you said them, sobbing as you touched his torn and bloody coat, clung to whatever forgiveness the silent body would never be able to give. "I should've said something. I should've part with you... I should've said goodbye. I should've said that yes, yes, yes I would end this war and let her be free."

* * *

"I'm so... sorry... L-elf..." But because he couldn't hear you anymore, you allowed yourself, just this time. His name. "Michael..."

* * *

You don't know how long time have passed, but you find yourself stepping on the cold steel floor. You've arrived at the Moon.

You give a last glance at his face. Your thumb brushes away the tear droplets you have smeared on his face; unintentionally, of course, it's not like you want to mark him or anything. At least, not with your tears.

You smile, but you never say goodbye to him. He doesn't need it.

This whole war will become his funeral. Emerging victorious will be a farewell gift. Setting the girl free will fulfill his last wish.

Your steps are firm and strong towards the command room. Everyone have been waiting for you.

* * *

_I calculated everything with you in mind_.

You could see his smug grin as he said that.

* * *

**. , .**

.

.

_Thank you for reading so far! Well, new episode of Valvrave just won't appear until next Thursday, so I decided to have some fun myself. It was a prompt from my L-elf RP partner to write "what would your character do if my character die" and this whole thing just appeared in my mind. _

_What if somewhere in the next episode, L-elf died? _

_Small chance, I know. But it makes me feels and writing this makes me FEELS. I hope to hear your reactions, so reviews will be lovely. QwO)v_


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